Marketing Executive Who Discovered Word “Protein” Can Go on Anything Wins Industry’s Highest Honor

NEW YORK, NY — Marketing executive Derek Halloway, 52, was awarded the Golden Quill Lifetime Achievement Award at the National Food Marketing Gala on Saturday night, in recognition of his groundbreaking 2019 discovery that the word "protein" can be printed on literally any product to increase sales.

"Ladies and gentlemen, few people change an industry," said gala host Michelle Tran as Halloway took the stage to a standing ovation. "Derek changed civilization. Before Derek, protein was something you found in chicken and eggs. After Derek, it was something you found on the front of a box of frosted toaster pastries. That's not marketing. That's alchemy."

Halloway, who serves as Chief Brand Officer at snack conglomerate Crestline Foods, said the idea came to him by accident while reviewing packaging for a chocolate chip cookie that was underperforming in focus groups.

"The cookie had 2 grams of protein," Halloway told the audience. "Just from the flour. Nobody had ever noticed. And I thought, what if we just... said it? Out loud? In big letters?"

The redesigned package, featuring the words "NOW WITH PROTEIN" in bold block capitals over a photo of a cookie next to a dumbbell, increased sales by 340% in its first quarter.

"We didn't change the recipe," Halloway said. "We didn't change anything. The cookie had always had protein. We just told people. And suddenly, moms who had been feeling guilty buying cookies were buying cookies proudly. Teenage boys who had never bought cookies were buying them by the case. Gym owners were putting them at the front desk."

The discovery quickly spread through the industry. Within two years, more than 4,000 products had been relaunched with protein claims, including candy bars, cereals, chips, pancakes, and, in one case, a brand of scented candles.

"That one surprised even me," Halloway said. "The candles had no protein. They just smelled like vanilla protein shake. But sales doubled, so who's to say what protein is?"

Halloway's acceptance speech also laid out what he calls "the Three Laws of Protein Marketing," which have since become required reading at several business schools.

"First, any amount of protein is a lot of protein if the font is big enough," he said. "Second, if the protein is low, increase the serving size until it isn't. And third, never mention the sugar. The sugar is between the customer and God."

Nutrition experts in the audience were less enthusiastic. "He basically convinced America that a cookie is a protein bar if you believe in yourself," said Dr. Alan Pierce, a professor of nutrition at Wexford University. "It's the most effective lie in food marketing since 'part of a complete breakfast.'"

Halloway closed his speech by teasing his next big project.

"Fiber," he said, as the crowd gasped. "Fiber is the new protein. And it's already in everything. Nobody's said it yet."

At press time, Crestline had launched a "High Fiber" edition of its cookies, made by adding the word "FIBER" to the package and shrinking the word "PROTEIN" to make room.